Tuesday, September 24, 2013

From Excitement to Grief

On June 24, 2013, I took a pregnancy test that confirmed I was pregnant. I was ecstatic! Tim was had not gotten home from work that morning so I was debating how to tell him.  (He did not even know I had taken a pregnancy test or that I was going to.  So he would be very surprised as I had not mentioned anything to him about me possibly being pregnant.)  N-way, I guess I was so excited I just decided to show him the positive test of the picture I had taken on the phone.  (Yes, very creative, right?) When I showed him, he asked me who was pregnant.  I said me!  I think it took him a little bit for the news to sink in. 

We were thrilled to have our 4th baby on the way.  The due date was March 2, although I have a feeling it may have been a Feb. birthday as I have been early on my first 3 babies.  We told our parents that day and then our siblings in the few weeks after.  We decided to wait until our first dr. appt. to let the whole world know as we did with our first 3. 

Fast forward to Aug. 6th-It was my first dr. appt.  I had gone by myself as Tim had worked all night, and I wasn't even sure if I would even get an ultrasound as I only get one with my insurance.  They tried hearing the heartbeat, but with me only being 10 weeks, they figured it was just a little early to hear it.  I had mentioned that  hadn't gained any weight or been sick.  (I thought that was a little weird, but I figured that was the way it was.  I wasn't very sick for Anna so I thought maybe this go around I wouldn't be sick at all.)  So they decided to give me a free ultrasound.  My ob dr. gave it to me since it was free.  I normally would be sent upstairs for ultrasounds.  (He has done this with my last 2 girls...given me an ultrasound just to make sure everything was fine on my first dr. visit since he couldn't get the heartbeat.).  He tried to find the baby, and couldn't.  He asked me if I was for sure on me being 10 weeks, and I said I was sure.  He brought in another dr. to see if he could find the baby.  Well, he found the baby, but the baby was no longer living.  The baby measured 7 weeks and 4 days. Oh, how my heart hurt when I saw my lifeless baby.  It is a sight I will never forget.  Somehow I got home to Tim and we cried together.  It was to be such an exciting day where I could share my wonderful news to my friends and extended family, but instead turned into a day of deep grief.

I ended up having a D & C procedure a couple of days later.  The only reason I mention this is b/c when I came out of the procedure, Tim said that I kept saying over and over, I never got to hold our baby, I never got to hold our baby.  Even though I don't remember that at all, those words show exactly how my heart hurts so badly that we never got to hold our baby.  

It has been 1 1/2 months since this difficult news.  We still feel pain and sadness and tears are shed, but the days have gotten easier.  God has been faithful to us, and our family and friends have been very supportive.  So thankful for that.  This is never what I would have planned or wanted, but we know our sovereign Lord is in control.  ( My next post is going to be on how the Lord is getting us through this trial. Hopefully it will be written soon.)

We decided to name our baby Baby Blessing.  We know that even though we didn't ever get to hold him/her or see him/her, he/she is a gift from the Lord.  We are thankful to the Lord for him/her.

Baby Blessing,

We are so thankful that you are our child.  We love and miss you so much.  We know you would have loved your 3 older sisters, and they would have just given you so much love.  We wish we could have held you and loved on you, but know the Lord is taking care of you.  We will never forget you.

Dad and Mom

Friday, September 6, 2013

Anna's 1 Year Old Post

Now that Anna is 15 months, I better get some information and pictures up of her turning one year old.   (Better late than never!).

Anna turned 1 yr. old on June 3rd.  She is a sweet little girl, but has also shown us her independent spirit already:)  She is following in her sisters' footsteps in that area.  She lets us know what she wants by screaming.  We are working with her to sign please instead of screaming.  Here are some pictures taken throughout the day on her birthday.
She started out the day eating cheerios!

Sharing her cheerios with her mom

Such a sweetie!

Happy after her morning nap. She is a good sleeper which we are thankful for.

She was taking about 4-5 steps on her birthday and then falling.  She starting officially walking about 3 weeks after her birthday. 

We took them for their first swim on her birthday:)  Auntie KK bought them matching swimsuits.  Anna wasn't took excited about this picture.

Anna with Auntie KK

Her sweet smile

Anna with a mohawk:)

Splash, Anna, splash!

I love my little girl.

Anna LOVES eating.  She will eat until we make her stop. 

A birthday dinner of mac and cheese!! It doesn't get better than this:)

We got to celebrate her birthday with her cousins. 

Some bonding between Tim and Anna

Anna is not sure about her cupcake with a candle.

She took a while to dig into her cupcake.

Starting out eating just getting a little frosting on her fingers.

Her first taste.

She realized she like her cupcake!

And she starts to dig in...


Sharing with her mama!

She enjoyed her cupcake:)

So happy!

Just love her sweet smile!

She is SO BIG!

Gotta have a bath to clean up after the cupcake mess

The girls made cards for her birthday...so sweet.

Nana bought Anna some dresses. 
We are so thankful for our our little girl.  We love her so much.